Back In Facebook After Six Months: A Realization and A Resolution

Four months ago, I wrote about being absent from Facebook and social media for some time and how I am loving it. Well, last week, at the midday of 19th, I reactivated my Facebook account. I cannot describe the feeling that time, and I noticed its interface have change, but never mind about that. I was after communicating with my “friends” after being out of the social media loop, and few communication I did get.

I have 674 “friends” on Facebook and I can count with my fingers the number of people who did communicate me, asking where was I, where did I go, why I was not on Facebook for a long time. I do not mind at all. I returned to Facebook to communicate with a few people who cared to message me, the few who felt happy about my “return”. I don’t care about the majority, the predominant population who still turn to Facebook to feed their narcissism. I love the people I communicate with and send them greetings and salutations.

I do not mind at all but even my relatives and friends don’t notice I’m back and it was these people I communicated with often before I deactivated. I don’t feel sad at all, but I now know many people are not worth communicating after all. The only thing I can do now is to keep the lines open with the few people. They make my social media experience worth.

Those six months, I realized such online social portals cannot provide remedy to my social anxiety disorder. Being in front of your computer, laptop, tablet and hands on the keyboard do not make you sociable, a socially desirable person. It does not even make you look good. It makes you pretend to be somebody, someone else. It creates a false notion about yourself. Sure you can post all the b******t, all the clutter on your wall to make you look great or foolish for the world to see, but they will never get to know you, the person in you, the person who wholly depends on the Internet for your socialization and interaction with fellow human beings.

Why I said this? Because I have been through that. Six months passed and I realized I was false, immature and stupid. I was never powerful at all. I was never an expert. I thought my “674” friends liked me, gave a thought about what I had posted. I was damn wrong. Most of them don’t care.

Six months no Facebook, being cut off from “friends”, unaware of the world and current events. But I am hell happy with it to avoid the stress and tension things and people have brought in the last six months. I am happy with the time I have to reflect and feel sorry about the abuses I committed through social media.

Six months is enough time to realized I cannot be trusted with social media as Dumbledore cannot be trusted with power, the ambition of power that led to the death of his sister.

I pray that you get my point. I am a very socially awkward person. I was very bad with social media that it gave me a false sense of socialization, a false sense of myself.

That time on, I resolve to use Facebook to spread not my narcissist attitude but music, music that I like. I will never post my (falsely) “expert” views and opinions, my cowardice, my stubbornness. I am doing being stupid. I want to keep quiet now.

Because Facebook is not what it used to be when I created my account last 2009. I lost the excitement. It becomes boring to read people’s posts too.

I will deactivate again after the New Year.

P.S. I found out I am not the only person who have deactivated their Facebook. I am very happy for them.

 

 

 

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